Hey, what's new with you? Tell us about yourself.
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By chuckwagon
Firstly, I must make it very clear that I'm not making this post really to try an steal anyone's limelight, or make everyone pay attention to me, but over the course of the last two-ish years I've been through a lot, and due to more recent events I feel compelled to put something down in writing (or in this case, typing). Mostly related to my separation, and pending divorce from my wife, I have been stressed out. I'm a big Metallica fan at heart, and I think I have truly come close to reaching the "Frayed Ends of Sanity" on more than one occasion throughout the entire process. Those who have been through this same experience, or maybe even currently going through it at some stage know exactly what I mean. Those of you who haven't been there wouldn't quite understand, but trust me, it's not something you want to understand. The roller coaster of emotions is enough to bring the strongest man or woman to his/her knees.

I've tried to keep my mouth shut about it all except in the company of family, and very close friends, and I will still remain that way except to let those people in my life know that this is something that I am dealing with. I will not, and can not allow myself to speak poorly of my ex out of anger or animosity, because I am a better person than that despite the heartbreak and sadness this has all caused me to deal with. And even more so because I have two lovely daughters who I don't see in person very often, and usually get a phone call from now and then, and sometimes Skype. I know time heals most wounds, and I can only find solace in the hope that one day in the near future my daughters will have immediate access to all the love and affection that I want, so desperately, to give them in a physical sense.

Now, though all of that is still going on, just last week, on March 17th, My Father passed away. In a nutshell, his body fell victim to septic shock, MRSA, the flu, and pneumonia. What had originally started out as what we thought was just a simple case of the flu or a bad head cold, quickly progressed into a proverbial perfect storm of illnesses that took my Dad away from my family way to soon. His immune system went on overload, and his body just could not fight off the multiple infections all at the same time. I was the last member of my family to see him in a somewhat normal state, in that, he was able to communicate. He went to his primary doctor on the Friday the 13th, where he was diagnosed with the flu, and given a prescription, then told to come home and return on Monday if he wasnt feeling better. I had to take him to the ER early Sunday morning at about 3AM. The doctor told me that he was a very sick man, and that he was going to be admitted to the ICU for testing. My dad told me that he was "gonna be okay", and that he wanted me to go home, take a nap since I had been up so early, and then to come back with my mother later in the afternoon. The last words I ever heard my father speak were "Son, I love you". When we returned later, the doctors and nurses were in the process of putting my dad on life support, and he was unable to talk to us anymore. Two days later, at 5:04 PM EST, my father passed away surrounded by his wife, his children, and numerous family members, and two of his closest friends. He was 64 years young.

The pain, and emptiness is something that no one can describe. I'm sure many of us have lost loved ones at some point in our life that we've mourned for. Someone close. Losing a parent is something I guess you have to consider as an inevitability, but you never give much thought to it because we always wanna assume that we have plenty of time to worry about it, or prepare yourself for it. The truth is, you are never prepared for anything like this. I always considered my dad to be a Superman type guy, and would not have even been surprised if one day he had ripped his shirt open to reveal a big "S" on his suit under his regular clothes. He was my absolute supreme hero, and living life without him around to smile at me and give me that "atta boy" that I always longed to hear is going to be tough. I only ever wanted to make him proud of me, but quickly realized that there was very little I could have done that would warrant the favor of my dad. He was proud. Every single person that came to my Dad's funeral told me that there never was an encounter they had with my Dad when he didn't talk about his kids. I was asked to give the eulogy at his service, and it literally took every ounce of courage and strength to do so, but as I said to the crowd of 300 people there: Physically, my father is gone from this world. But truthfully he is still here, and will remain here. There is so much of him in me, and so much of him in the people who knew him, that he can't possibly ever be gone. Look to the ocean that he loved to fish in, look to the mountains that he loved to hike and camp in, and look into your hearts to visit him. I love and miss my Dad. So, on a slightly more happy note, I wanna share my Dad's Senior Year pic from 1968. The three of you guys who are friends with me on Facebook have seen this one already. It's one of my absolute favorite pictures of him. My mom lucked out :)

DAD- August 10th, 1950 - March 17th, 2015


PS... Memorial tattoo pics coming soon to another thread near you.
Last edited by chuckwagon on Tue May 19, 2015 7:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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By Pumpken
I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Those are great last words from him for you to remember him by. I hope this year from now on will be better than the last.
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By Raven
I don't think I ever gave my condolences to you on Facebook. It's not because I didn't care but more because I hoped I could come up with some words that would ease your pain at least a small amount.

I was 22 years old when my father died suddenly of a heart attack. I got the call while I was in the delivery room holding my best friends hand while she gave birth to her first child. I've never felt two more extreme emotions at the same time. The complete heartbreak for my father, and the complete joy and awe at a child coming into the world. It will be 20 years since then in just a few short weeks, and I still cry for my dad. Of course it gets easier, I can now tell my husband stories of my father with a smile on my face, but I will never stop wishing I could share certain things with my dad. I try my hardest to keep him alive within me and never forgotten. I have no doubt you will do the same with your father. Strangely enough on that same best friend's 21st. birthday my grandmother passed away. Random weird coincidence.

Divorce simply just sucks. I've been through that as well, very long ago. I was too young and dumb to be married, and he was a jerk, but it didn't make it any easier. The best advice I got during that time was to buy a lot of tissues. I was sad, I felt worthless, lonely and like it was all my fault. Luckily, those feelings go away. Do what you can for your daughters. Always let them know you love them, miss them, and think of them. It goes a long way. Even when they hit those horrid teenage years where they hate every single adult on the planet. My parents were divorced, my father lived in a different state, but I never doubted his love for me and he made sure I knew he was just a phone call away and that he would be there for me no matter what. He never said a bad word about my mother, even though I bet he could have said plenty. All these years later I appreciate that and remember every horrible thing my mom said about him.

The great news is that it really will all get better. You wont even notice really, just one day things wont be so bad. Until then just keep in mind we get a new Avengers movie this year and Halloween gets closer every day. If you don't like the Avengers..well, never talk to me again. (Just kidding! Maybe....)

Looking forward to seeing the tat!
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By chuckwagon
Thank you Ken, and Raven... And yes you DID send condolences via FB as well, on my initial post and it was extremely appreciated. I'm sorry I never sent a mass reply, or status post to let everyone know how grateful I truly was, but when I made the original post, it wasn't even an hour after it all happened, and I was still in a pretty bad state of emotional affairs while sitting in the ICU at the hospital. The following days just seemed like a big blur, so I never really made it back to FB, and when I did, it was to update everyone on funeral services, and location.... But all of the love and affection from everyone did not, and has not gone unnoticed. Thank you.
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By zombombie
Chuck, there really are no words that I can say that will make you feel better about all of this. But I want you to know that I have been thinking of you and I really do hope you're ok. If you ever want to chat (albeit online) you know where to find me. All the best buddy.
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By mesmark
Chuck - I'm very sorry to hear about your loss and troubles. Hard times feel like they'll never end, but like you said, with time things will get better.

I'm glad to hear that your father was such a positive figure in your life. As a father myself, the words you wrote about him are the words that all dads hope children will write one day. Also, as a dad who accepts nothing less than than perfect from his kids, I can tell you that it doesn't mean we aren't proud of them. I'm sure your father was proud of you. He probably just wanted to keep pushing you and always wanted the best for you.

Divorce is tough. It's wonderful that you are there for your daughters. My parents were divorced and I saw my dad 2 weekends a month. During that time, he cleared his schedule and spent 4 full days with us every month. Even though I didn't live with him, I spent more time with him, more time talking, receiving guidance, and know him better than my mother who I lived with the other 27 days of the month.

My dad is now in advanced stages of Alzheimer's and in a home at 64. It's tough to loose the man, but it's good to just give him a call and tell him I love him. Which I need to do more often.

I will echo Raven's advice about not saying negative things about the kids' mother in front of them. My mother used to trash my dad. My dad never said anything (good or bad) about my mother. Now, as an adult, I can see the value of taking the high road.

Anyway, not sure any words I can put down will make any difference, but I hope you can find some joy here and there until things get better.
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By Zombie Pumpkins!
Chuck, I'm sorry I hadn't seen or replied to this topic until now. Firstly, about the roller coaster of emotions you've been enduring with the divorce and all... you've made passing mention of these troubles, but you always seem able to put on a brave face and be positive here. Obviously you're welcome to vent your troubles if it helps, but I also give credit you for pushing through and making time for things that make yourself happy. It's these interests that can keep us sane. When life is tough, you can always zen out with some art or let emotions flow through music. You know that. Whether your strumming your guitar, carving a pumpkin, or designing a symbolic tattoo, all these things heal.

Oh, but then this sudden news of your father... man, there's not much I can say. My deepest sympathies. It's true what they say. There's never a "good" time for something like this. You can never be fully prepared. Most of us don't like to think about mortality, and understandably so. Living with that fear is no way to live. But when a loss does inevitably happen, it feels so sudden.

Again, you show us your positive side by sharing these stories of what your dad meant to you - and what you clearly meant to him. You know he was proud of you. And that's a feeling you can wear with pride forever. Now it's your turn to wear that Superman emblem on your chest. You're obviously a loving dad to your own kids. All the knowledge gained from your own father, you now have the power to share with your daughters. Guiding them is the purpose and source of power that can keep the spark inside you bright.

So keep up the hope and love, spreading it to your family and friends. And obviously you're always welcome to share with your fellow minions - you have friends here.
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By SuperSonic
Wow... I haven't a clue what to say. However, I know what it feels like to lose a loved one. I offer my condolences. I can empathize on that statement. The feels trip is so strong. I really hope you can pull through this and become a stronger person than you are now. It may take some time as you mentioned, but it will happen. :) As for the former part of your post. I'm glad you did not talk badly about your ex. Much as you may want to, its much better not to. I did it once. And let me tell you I surely regretted it soon enough.

I am also happy you shared this info with us, bottling these emotions can only lead to an outburst sooner or later. Your dad clearly meant a lot to you, and I know how that feels. What matters is that you can trudge through the pumpkin patch and find solace here. You've handled the strife well so far. I wish I had more to say, but I am at a loss for words. I am also sorry I did not find this thread sooner!

I am sorry for your losses, and really hope that you and your daughters can communicate on a regular basis soon! We're all pulling for you chuck! :)
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By amandap80
I am sorry to hear about all you have been going through. My condolences to you on losing your dad; I can't even imagine.
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By ghostface
Wow. I'm terribly sorry about your loss Chuck. Although it was a few months ago, like the rest of the minions, I'm still here for ya! :)